(PART 4 OF 4)
Truly letting go.
In 2018 we were preparing to complete our family. I was pregnant with our 4th child, our second daughter, Willow. Just like the other 3 pregnancies before her, I was a textbook case. My blood pressure was always perfect, I had no complications, I was with the same team of midwives as I was with all my other babies and I was excited to give birth again.
This time was different. I was excited to give birth but I didn't have any expectations. I was seeing a chiropractor in my area who specialized in pregnancy this time because my sciatic pain started a lot earlier in Willow's pregnancy. This was pretty much the only thing I changed. My mindset and regular visits to the chiropractor.
I remember my best friend asking me many times what I wanted to do for her birth. I never had much planned other than wanting a water birth. Her and I would talk casually here and there about it while our kids played and I would say things like " Id love to have my playlist playing when I give birth" This was a playlist I had on my spotify that I would use and listen to during the day while doing chores, or while I rocked Shiloh to sleep who was still only 18 months old.
I remember my Nana coming over at 79 years old to watch my older three kids while I went to the midwives for a stretch and sweep at 41 weeks pregnant. When I was at the clinic we came up with a plan to break my water at the clinic in a few days If I didn't go into labour and see if we could have the home birth I was hoping for. I liked this plan because I'd be able to be at home with my kids and feel more relaxed instead of at the hospital once again.
Leaving that appointment I was feeling some small contractions which was not uncommon for me after having a stretch and sweep. ( I had stretch and sweeps for River and Lincoln once I reached my due date which resulted in no help because my body wasn't ready and neither were my babies )
My Nana asked me to pick up mcdonald's for us and the kids on the way home so I did that. I wasn't very hungry and was still feeling those contractions so i just got a small fry for myself. When I got home my nana had washed my kitchen floor and my house looked spotless. She is amazing. I told her I wanted to make a casserole for the kids because I was feeling crampy after my sweep and water to get supper out of the way incase I didn't feel like cooking later. I made that up, she cleaned the dishes for me and during the whole process she kept looking at me and saying " I think you're in early labour because those contractions aren't going anywhere"
I had started timing the contractions just for curiosity and they were coming every 2.5 minutes and lasting about a minute BUT they felt nothing like the ones I had when I was induced with the others so I really wasn't thinking much of it. I called my midwife to let her know and she offered to come and check on me when she was done at the clinic around 5. I told her I didn't want her to come all this way for nothing but she assured me it wasn't a problem,. My best friend messaged me asking how my appointment went since she as going to be coming again as my doula and also my birth photographer when labour was progressing. I sent her a screen shot of my contraction patterns to which she replied " WHAT? YOU"RE IN ACTIVE LABOUR?? CAN I COME NOW? " I suggested she wait until my midwife came to check me because I was still sure it was just an irritated cervix but she insisted on coming anyways.
During all this time my husband was finishing up a placement and wasn't going to be home until around 5:00pm, I didn't see any point in calling him home just to wait with us while the midwife came. My nana stayed with me until my best friend Emily got there and until my husband came and joined us shortly after. What a funny memory that is to look back on. Joel came into the house and I told him the midwife was on her way to check me and that I might be in labour. WELCOME HOME! The midwife came maybe 5 minutes after Joel got home. We went to my room for me to get checked and I was 6 cm dilated! " Fill the Birth pool " she said. " You are getting your home birth!"
Obviously excited I asked Joel to fill the tub and I called my sister in law to watch our 3 kids so when the time came she could have them downstairs and they'd have their needs met! I was happy I had prepared supper earlier for the kids! I served them supper and did the dishes while in labour. Emily remembered I wanted my playlist going so she reminded me and I had my music in the background. I had my diffuser going and I was home. I was safe. I was comfortable.
When bedtime came for the kids I let them stay up with their aunt and play in the basement, but I wanted to keep shiloh in routine since he was still easy to put to sleep. around 7:30 I rocked him to sleep in my arms while in labour and made the comment " sitting with contractions isn't very comfortable" I carried him up to bed and was so happy to be home.
I remember my midwife smiling at me and just preparing me for a stalled labour since i'm so distracted and have so much going on. She asked my permission to break my water on the next cervical check so that we can make sure labour continues to progress nicely. When she checked me around 8:00 pm I was 9 cm. We were both in shock! I never would of guessed I was that far along! I felt so strong and so proud of myself and my body. I felt empowered! She broke my water and I had two very strong contractions that left me sprinting to the birth pool in my kitchen. Chewing on my ice cubes, listening to my music, sitting in my kitchen smelling my oils diffuse, Willow was caught in the hands of her daddy at 8:49pm. I had my home water birth.
No Two Births Are The Same.
I say this again because I think its important to understand. NO TWO BIRTHS ARE THE SAME. I have had 4 very different birth experiences with my 4 kids. With each of their births I grew. I allowed myself to learn as I went, I gave myself patience. I felt the difference between thinking I knew what I needed to know, to unlearning everything, to eventually just surrendering to the birth process and fully trusting myself and my body. THAT is the key! Surrendering to the process.
If there is one thing I have learned is that allowing myself to be flexible was what I needed in order to relax enough physically to achieve my empowered birth experience. As I sit here and write this I also want to make it clear that although I am thrilled I achieved the water birth I always wanted, I truly believe that I was ready this time for any birth outcome. I felt empowered in Willow's pregnancy because in the 6 years of being pregnant with her siblings, giving birth differently each time, and supporting numerous clients I was prepared for whatever curveball birth was going to throw at me. Empowerment comes from knowledge and trust!
Comments