I got pregnant with our daughter River, and had her December 1st 2012. It was a good straight forward textbook pregnancy and her delivery ended in a C-section ( Feel free to go back and read her birth story part 1 of the stories of my births ) Here is my list of my top 5 things I wish I knew before going into her delivery!
I wish I knew that birth wasn't just about the physiological aspect of birth.
I, like many other first time moms spent lots of time reading all the books surrounding birth and pregnancy. I loved learning about how my body was changing, how my baby was growing. I learned all about the mechanics of birth. When the midwives would ask if I had any questions, I felt well prepared so didn't need to go into more detail with them. We attended two prenatal classes and felt we understood the birth process and what to expect. I wouldn't know until going into labour what it would feel like but I learned about coping mechanisms, massage techniques and ways my husband could get involved.
It wasn't until after I was in labour that I realized how important my mindset was around birth. Going for a C-section after being hours in labour was rough. I didn't know how important it was to protect my labour space. I allowed a lot of distractions like movies and games on my phone to distract me from contractions instead of allowing me to focus and get into the proper zone. This resulted in me holding a lot of tension in my body and therefore my labour was being run by adrenaline which I didn't realize was so common and not helpful in labour. It was after her birth I learned more about mindset work and how to encourage endorphins and oxytocin in your labour and how much that changes the game. This is when I started my journey to become a doula.
Not knowing that a traumatic birth means different things to everybody
When I used to think about traumatic births I thought that was only if the worse happened. The unimaginable, that resulted in the loss of the childs life of the mothers. I didn't give any validation to how you are treated emotionally during labour could create a ripple effect entering into postpartum. In the moment of Rivers birth and when everything turned into being told what the plan was instead of being consulted and just being rushed around, it didn't give me the space I needed to wrap my head around what was going on. The C-section itself was not what was traumatic for me, it was the emotional disconnect with my care providers. The condecnding tone that was used when I was asking questions. The way everything happened so fast when it wasn't needed. I ignored my feelings of how everything felt off, but when I was released from my providers care at 6 weeks and got my summary of my birth and read " ELECTED CAESARIAN" I pretty much lost it. There was no electing... I was told I didn't have a choice. They treated me like I was insane for wanting to wait...
Even with knowing this I didn't consider my birth to be traumatic because I still felt guilty to say that because I was lucky that my daughter and I were safe and healthy. However, the hospital took my power away from me that day and that left me with triggers for the births of my two sons that came after her. I didn't get my power back even as a doula until I had my fourth baby at home.
Often one intervention leads to others
This doesn't happen all the time but does happen often where if you consent to 1 intervention it often leads to others. I don't feel that care providers often explain that properly so that is something I wish I would have done more research on before hand. Membrane sweeps are considered an intervention, breaking your water artificially, having synthetic oxytocin given to bring on labour etc. If your body isn't ready and you go ahead with any of these interventions it can sometimes lead to other ones that may OR may not lead to complications. So its just good to be aware of these interventions and making sure they are actually medically necessary in order to consent to them. This is what true informed choice is!
The importance of proper support
I had my husband with me for all of my deliveries, and looking back at our first birth experience, i'm not trying to throw him under the bus but even he didn't give me the full support I needed, even though he did do his best! When my world was being throw all over the place I needed someone who I was about to talk to and debrief the situation with that was aware of my birth preferences and was going to advocate with me. My husband took the side of the doctors and I felt very alone with her birth. Not only that, but coming home from the hospital because of the lack of emotional support in the hospital, I felt distant from my husband and felt some resentment that I didn't even understand. It wasn't until I confided in my best friend about this birth experience in preparation for my second to be born that I realized how important it was to have that type of emotional support when in labour and in postpartum. Someone who would hear you, see you and understand the disappointments you would feel and not make you feel ashamed for feeling them at all. This type of support helps to empower you to feel more at ease in the transition into parenthood!
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